Old Home Week, The Curse of Tolkien's Elves, and Moving On.

 I find myself back here very infrequently, but likely to be here more often in the coming months.  2024, for better or worse has been a year of change, some planned, some not. Most good, some not so good, but change none the less. Change is something I do not always relish. I have always found it hard to let go of times, places, people. I can make decisions and I can move on, but the tendency to stay the course is strong in me. Not sure if that is always a good thing, but it is a thing.  

So it is no surprise that a  year of big changes would be unsettling.  This year my youngest graduated from High School and now is safely ensconced in the BFA acting program at Penn State. Somewhat ironic, I was born and raised in central Pennsylvania, and apparently moved to the west coast, built a life and raised a family only to have my youngest back in Happy Valley, only 90 minutes from where I was born. 

Of course, that means we are empty nesters... and for the first time in 38 years I do not have a child at home. Something of an adjustment. This same year I was "retired" from my career of 23 years doing a job I created and came to love with people that I cared and still care for greatly. Not to be outdone, my wife had her contract paid out at her employment. So we both arranged to lose jobs this year. 

If you want more change, at the same time an old friend and boss immediately offered me a job at his very successful startup, so 17 years later I am back with my old team ( and a lot of them) at a new yet very familiar firm. I think I was actually unemployed for a day or so. Strange how that happens, I have lost two jobs in 50 years and both times was back to work in less than a month. Some skill, much luck. None to little Grace.

And do not cry for us, in both cases we were well taken care of by the firms and we have done well enough and are actually able to retire. Had been talking about it. It just is that it was forced upon us before we were ready. 

Hence the old home week. For me this new job is really like old home week, I am working with seven people I last worked with over 17 years ago and it is like it was yesterday. Of course, there are new people  too and I like all of them. This is not the "next step" in my career, given that in a week I turn 65. No, this is a chance to help out some old friends and stay in the game a bit longer till I can go on my own terms. 

The curse? Anyone who has read The LOTR and pondered even for a moment on the elves understands that the ones in middle earth were in their twilight. They were immortal, but they had their time. The elves had stopped having children or doing anything new. They were preserving, enjoying and remembering. Sounds an awful lot like some visions of retirement. Tolkien said as much, and that fact explains Arwen's choice. She loved Aragorn, yes, but she also did not want the twilight. She wanted the dawn again. She got it, as the appendix tells, but of course at a price. 

This thought struck me hard one day as I was driving down to work. Side note, we are actively contemplating relocating to the east coast next year to be closer to the majority of my kids, grand kids and family. We will probably buy the dream retirement house and craft a life there. More snow and cold, but with everyone in driving range, it seems the right move. It feels right. 

Back to the drive, as I was barreling down 101 with the rest of the commuting minions it struck me that at this moment, I have become the elf. I am preserving, remembering and enjoying, but not really doing anything new. That is a problem, since I am not immortal and I cannot take ship to the undying West. I have this time, before me, to use as best I can. To talk of after is in the realm of religion and God, and that is a much different question and discussion. for now, I need to grapple with what life is and will be. 

It is clear to me that just being the elf has its attractions, but I am not sure it is the right answer for me. Just chugging along at a corporate job is also not the answer. Don't get me wrong, I am enjoying what I am doing now, but I know that it is also short lived. 

So that is the question. It is time to move on. Not today, but I am in that stage. I cannot stand still, I cannot go back, and I do not just want to sit on a porch or couch with my memories and a beer. 

What to do.