And I spoke too fast.

 An old song that was some rock star’s speech  at his daughter’s High School Graduation once again has come back to haunt me. The line I always remember is “ don’t worry, it is never what you worry about. It always is something that comes out of left field at 5:00 o’clock on a Tuesday afternoon”. That is how life changing news seems to come for me. One last great day, usually a weekend. Then at an odd hour, usually on a Monday or a Tuesday, it hits. That is how I found out my first startup was getting shutdown. That is how I found out my ex was going to leave me as she exited rehab. That is how I found out that my ex had tried to kill herself and that I needed to head right over, cross the bay and snag my daughter with her and bring her into my new home with my new wife and our new baby. 

And that is how I found out my current employer was letting me go. 

Yep, 1:00 pm Monday my boss, out of kindness, gave me a  heads up. 11 am Tuesday we have the official meeting where, after 23 years, I was declared redundant. 

I should beware Tuesday. 

Now to be fair,  they are taking care of me, and it is what I would have expected if I was retiring. To  be even more fair, my wife and I have been both very successful and smart, so we are in great shape. Do not cry for me Argentina, we will be more than fine.

And finally, it is not like I did not see the possibility coming. I am really good at what I do, and I am very well respected, and also, given my situation, for a certain kind of firm, I am an obvious target for this kind of thing. Not going into too many specifics, I can certainly look at an org structure and locations and see how things can play out. They say work hard to work yourself out of a job and good things will come, but in some cases all that comes is a pink slip.

So I have been expecting something like this at some point. Frankly it is a bit of a miracle that I have dodged this particular bullet for so long. Still, it did seem that I was going to be able to time my own exit, and I would be lying if I said I was not both a bit annoyed at the way it was done and somewhat startled. I expected, even signaled ,that if this became something the firm wanted there were adult conversations to be had and a graceful exit. I am a professional. 

So of course, the question now is, what do I do? 

I have time, actually a lot. I have talked to my wife and I have been reaching out to a lot of people. One thing that is clear, going for a new full time job is probably not in the cards. I have one friend that may want me to come on board at his firm. He has a specific need that is up my alley and I know him and his team and they know me. I have never consulted, but there are some opportunities there. Frankly it may make more sense to consult and help people who need my experience. It would be a lot of work and hustle, but several people have indicated this is a solid path for someone retiring but wanting to stay busy. 

Or I could just retire and focus on hobbies and charity. Maybe. Not sure about that. 

Part of me wants to keep bringing in money and have my own little firm… and when I go it will be on my own terms. Part of me would like to try that and see if it could become something greater and really go out with a bang. None of me wants to just saw wood and garden and start drawing on the nest egg. 

But another part knows that might just be what has been dealt.

Another thought. Ever since I left the Navy, this has been the sword over my head. Practically every year or at least every two years, for the past 34, there has been a layoff or a purchase or a restructure and some how I was potentially in the cross hairs. Yes I dodged it, and thrived, but the angst of being under that pendulum has taken its toll. If I am going to do something, it needs to be enough of mine that no one, save Our Lord, can arbitrarily take it away at 5:00 pm on a random Tuesday afternoon.

The last thing. A final part  me wants to dig in and understand why this happened. But I know that is futile. I may get some answers, but not sure what if any of that is truth. It was always going to end in some version of this. I think playing the what if and woe is me game is a waste of life. 

Learn. Move on, make lemonade.